Adoption Hamster Cramps

When you adopt a child that doesn't look exactly like you, there are inevitably the dopey comments. I don't know if it is a surprise, a confirmation or just life that even the rich and famous people have to deal with stupid comments.

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One of my stupid comment experiences was in a shopping center. I was holding Bella, my then 18 month old biracial adoptive child when a lady walked up to me and said "She has a beautiful tan!" I quipped back "Thanks! We use the GRAYCO tanning bed from ToysRUs." Then I turned a walked away. I have always wondered if she ever went looking for a child's tanning bed or talked to one of her friends about it and discovered the joke was on her?

Another one was at work: a tall black man who worked with me saw me holding Bella and said "Whose baby is that?" three times because he thought we were joking. A month later he told a coworker that "Dave's wife is cheating on him!" Yeah, I'm that stupid Aaron- thanks a lot.

My wife and I have taken to calling these situations "hamster cramps". As in: the little hamster in the brain on the wheel is running his heart out processing thoughs. All of a sudden the transracial thought hits and his leg cramps up causing him to stumble and roll with the wheel crashing all brain thinking processes.

Maybe in some cases I should have been more gracious when people have a hamster cramp. I do make an effort to do so now that Bella is much more aware of what is going on around her. Just there are moments when people feel compelled to comment on something that is so intrusive that you cannot help but be offended by the question.

Now comes Michael Douglas' flippant remark about "Brad leaving that beautiful (Winston) for Jolie to hold her orphans." Is there really any way to spin that into a positive comment without using white supremacist style thinking?
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Let me just say that I would hope that Catherine Zeta is smacking him for being a jerk.

If you have a question about transracial adoption, join the yahoo group
  • "Transracial Adoption or Placement"
  • and ask virtually anything you want to. That is an appropriate forum for your urge to vent your hamster cramp.