9.30.2005

SHOOT THE BRITS

Those dastardly rascals of Land Rovers, Tea and crumpits are terrified of the prospects of Americans having free use of their Constitutional rights! They have finally figured out that Florida is nothing but a gigantic trap to lure foreigners so we can legally shoot them!
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A scare scheme is up with ads like the one above to warn tourists to Florida that they may be legally shot by locals. What the law actually says is that citizens may shoot if it is determined that they are under threat from the individual. You know, that LAW ABIDING citizens of the United States are smart enough to determine ON THEIR OWN if they are in danger from someone. Nevermind that most gun crime is committed by individuals wielding guns acquired illegally and without a permit... but I digress!

Because we all know how intimidating and hostile the Brits are (ahem, sarcasm), the Florida Department of Tourism recommends the following techniques to British tourists:
1) Do not wear flower shirts, shorts, and black socks.
2) Make use of tanning facilities prior to arriving so your pasty sun-deprived skin won't be a giveaway
3) We call them Fries, NOT CHIPS.
4) Be seen drinking coffee-at least have an empty starbuck cup with you at all times
5) If asked, tell them you are from Australia and you should be ok because Americans love Outback steakhouse so much!

It's a good thing they are putting out this ad. I hide under my blanket everytime I see Tony Blair because he is SO SCARY!